What do you think of my body paragraph 7 ?Both girls in both novels are trapped by their religious traditions. In Bread Givers , Reb’s children…

What do you think of my body paragraph 7 ?Both girls in both novels are trapped by their religious traditions. In Bread Givers , Reb’s children…

What do you think of my body paragraph 7 ?Both girls in both novels are trapped by their religious traditions. In Bread Givers , Reb’s children…

What do you think of my body paragraph 7 ?Both girls in both novels are trapped by their religious traditions. In Bread Givers , Reb’s children…
Sentence 1: “Both girls in both” is a little repetitive.  Since this is your topic sentence, I suggest that you also add some content that refers back to your thesis: “Another main similarity between Bread Givers and Emily Goldberg Learns to Salsa is that both girls…”  You have a passive voice sentence “are trapped” but I recommend that you change it to “feel trapped,” since the girls are not literally trapped by their religions, but rather feel that way.Sentence 3: Change “marries their children off to a man” because it sounds like all of the children are only marrying one man, perhaps something like ‘off to men of his choosing.’  Take the apostrophe out of ‘daughter’s’ because it should just be plural, not possessive.Sentence 4:  Put a comma after the dependent clause “When they do find a man,”.Sentence 5: Put a comma after ‘daughters,’ and I would break this sentence into two shorter sentences when you switch to talking about Jacob.Sentence 9:  Think about rephrasing or rewording this sentence to be more analytical.  What about their traditions can they not live by?  All of them? It seems as though marriage customs were the largest stumbling block for the daughters.  Try to be more detailed.Sentence 10: Since you switch to Emily Goldberg, try to insert a transition word to smooth the topic change from Bread Givers, like “Similarly in Emily Goldberg…”Sentence 11-13: When you talk about Emily going to church, it gets a little confusing, because you have to differentiate between how she is used to going to the synagogue (Jewish place of worship), but now must adjust to attending Catholic Church with her Puerto Rican family. It would be better if you could include detail from the novel, perhaps even a quote about how the new Catholic services confuse Emily.*Add a strong concluding statement that reinforces or restates your new topic sentence.  It should address the purpose of the paragraph–religious traditions as a similarity of the novels.